In times gone by, the role of raising children usually fell to the mother who would keep house while the father went out and was known as the 'bread-winner'.
In modern times, mothers are often keen to maintain a career and thus there are fewer stay-at-home mums. In these instances, when still in a relationship, children are often cared for during the day by child minders, nannies, au-pairs, etc while both parents go out to work. In some cases, however, the roles are completely reversed – I know a few families where this is the case – and the father (or step-father in one case) cares for the children while the mother is the bread-winner.
When parents separate, things can be more difficult. One parent is designated the 'resident parent' – where the child spends most of its time – with the other having 'access', hopefully arranged amicably between the parents, but if necessary, access can be defined by the courts. The court route is generally the last resort and from my understanding happens if things like mediation don't work satisfactorily.
In the separated parent situation, despite the split of care, both parents are equally capable – unless there are other factors involved: alcohol or drug dependence, history of abuse towards the child – of caring for the child in which ever state they're in: happy and healthy, unhappy and poorly.
The gross misconception that a poorly child 'only wants his mother', or 'should stay with his mother' persists, in my opinion, from earlier times when, as I said above, fathers had a less active role in their children's upbringing.
A mother's natural instinct of which tells her, "I will feel bad and like I am failing in my motherly duties if I do not cosset my child' are understandably very powerful – instincts are – but they should be understood for what they are: the mother's feelings, and shouldn't, in my opinion, be projected onto the child.
I ardently believe that men can care for children as well as women, though women tend to have more developed comforting skills. I also believe comforting skills can, and will, be developed by men given the opportunity.
My last thoughts on this matter are that if a child, while sick, is only ever cared for by one parent, then the child will naturally start to request that parent when poorly – basic state association. If both parents are able to participate in the care of a sick child, then they are ultimately putting themselves in a better position – a needy poorly child (and let's face it, most poorly children become needy) will be happy with whomever is available; men will be able to develop better comforting skills. Sharing the emotional drain and intensity of care will lead to happier parents and therefore happier children.
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